Becoming a new parent is significant for most people, however, to be real, it’s can also be quite chaotic. Between the midnight feedings, nappy changes, and trying to find 30 seconds to sip your (now cold) tea 🤦🏼, you are multitasking and juggling quite a lot. Then, with all of that you get family members, friends, and even strangers, offering unsolicited advice on everything from swaddling to feeding.
“Don’t hold the baby too much, or they’ll be spoiled.”
“Are you really going to let them cry it out?”
“Oh, you’re using formula? Back in my day, we only breastfed.”
“You should just let the baby cry themselves back to sleep, that’s what I did”
Does that sound familiar? Don’t worry, you’re not alone here. There are thousands of people with similar stories. Let’s explore a few ways for you to avoid unsolicited advice and how you can set boundaries while keeping your sanity intact (cause that is a challenge on its own).
Why Does Everyone Think They’re suddenly a Parenting Expert?
It seems that even before you give birth or even the very moment you have a baby, everyone becomes a child-bearing guru. Your grandmother will tell you what worked for her 50 years ago, while your cousin will rattle off the latest advice from a parenting blog or Tik-Tok 🙄. Sometimes, this advice is well-meaning, but it can leave you feeling judged or doubting your own choices and instincts.
The truth is no one knows your baby better than you do. But setting boundaries doesn’t have to be confrontational, it can be done with grace and even a bit of humour.
How to Handle Unwanted Parenting Advice (With Style or not…)
Here is a practical way to manage those “helpful” comments without stepping on anyone’s toes.
1. Smile and Nod (Then Do Your Own Thing)
This is the classic technique. When someone starts dishing out advice that you know you won’t follow, smile, nod politely, and say, “Thanks, I will keep that in mind.” Then, continue doing what works for you. This way it keeps things peaceful and avoids awkward confrontations.
💡 Pro Tip: When Auntie Mildred tells you to rub brandy on the baby’s gums for teething, just smile, nod, and quietly stick to your what you feel works for you.
2. “My Doctor Says…”
Sometimes, the easiest way to shut down unwanted advice is to shift the authority to a professional. When someone insists that your baby should be eating solids at 4 months or that you should try some old-school remedy, calmly say, “Thanks for the suggestion, but our doctor has advised us ….” Most people will back off immediately, they aren’t about to argue with a professional’s advice.
3. The “Thanks, But We’ve Got This” Approach
If someone is really overstepping and not taking the hint after you have tried the non-confrontational approach, it’s okay to be direct with them (while staying polite or not it is up to you how you want to handle it). Try saying, “I appreciate your concern, but we’ve found a routine or solution that works best for us.” This sets a clear boundary without causing unnecessary tension.
4.The Humour Card
Humour is a powerful tool to diffuse awkward situations. For example, if someone suggests an outdated, questionable, or unsafe method you could laugh and say, “I don’t think we’re ready for that level of adventure yet!” Humour lets them know you’re not taking their advice too seriously while keeping the mood light.
5. Set Boundaries Early
If you know certain family members are likely to overstep, consider having a conversation early on with them. Let them know that while you appreciate their love and support, you’d prefer to reach out when you need their advice, so you are setting clear expectations from the get-go.
Example:
“We’re really excited about our little one’s arrival, and we always appreciate your support and advice. So, if there is an instance where we need help, well definitely reach out to you and ask!”
This sets expectations while showing gratitude at the same time.
6. It’s Okay to Say “No”
Sometimes, you’ll encounter advice that isn’t just annoying, it’s harmful or super outdated. In cases like these, it’s okay to say a firm “no.” If someone insists on giving your baby water before they’re six months old or offers advice that goes against medical recommendations, don’t be afraid to politely decline.
Example Response:
“No, but thank you, we prefer to follow the recommendations from our healthcare provider to ensure baby’s safety.”
7. Parents Supporting Parents
Let’s be honest, there will be moments when even the best boundaries won’t stop someone from offering their two cents. That’s where your support network comes in. Perhaps investigate a local parenting or moms’ group or an online community where you can vent, swap stories, and get advice from people who understand what you’re going through (when you ask for it).
Here are a couple to make the searching a bit easier:
Mums Support Network
Moms and Tots
Forming Your Own Group. If you can’t find a group that suits your needs, why not create your own? With the help of social media and word of mouth, you can connect with other parents in similar situations as you. It can be anything from a WhatsApp or Facebook group, or a weekly meet-up at a local park, having a space where you can share your experiences can be a game-changer.
Plus, these groups can help you build new friendships and create a solid support network. Social isolation is a major risk factor for postnatal depression and anxiety, so having a safe space to talk, vent, and seek reassurance can make all of the difference.
Remember You’re the Expert on YOUR Baby
No one else knows your baby the way that you do. Trust your inner instincts, take advice when it’s helpful or from a professional, and don’t be scared to set boundaries when you feel it doesn’t work for you. Parenting is about learning, growing, and finding what works for you.
You are doing an amazing job.
Let’s Hear From You!
What’s the most “interesting” piece of unsolicited advice you’ve received as a new or seasoned parent? And how did you handle it?
Share your story and drop your favourite boundary-setting tip in the comments!
Shequila Adams
Digital Marketer